Murder, in any shape and form, is a serious crime in almost every nation. Yet, many parents, intentionally [and unintentionally], kill their children almost every year and almost always go unharmed.
I have decided today to write about how you (as a parent or future parent) can easily kill you child or all of your children, just like how most other parents do. Please note however, that by using the word “killing” in this article, I don’t mean physical death, neither am I supporting any child murder or illegal abortion. It’s far from that!
“Killing” in this context means emotional and spiritual homicide. Thus, many parent since time immemorial have been culprits of taking the lives out of their children’s future without even knowing the harm they’ve caused. Someone (whose name I can’t recall), once said, death isn’t the saddest thing to happen to a person; however, being dead while still living is.
A lot of parents, especially African parents, are prime culprits of this “killing” of children’s dreams and future. Growing up, many parents are tempted to “live their dream through their children”. That is, a parent who always dreamt of becoming a doctor, but couldn’t make that dream a reality due to a reason best known to them, promises and swears to himself to let his child become a doctor.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with supporting a child to become somebody or follow a career path if they are personally passionate about and interested in it. The problem comes when the said child, from all indications, shows zero interest in the parents “expected” career or perhaps, shows keen interest in another career directly contrary to the parent’s.
Thus, some parents try all their best to convince or persuade their children from day one to follow their expected career path. In some cases, this career path seems to be “imposed” unto children directly or indirectly, and the poor child has no right to refute the decision made by the parent. After all, you still live under their roof and they (parents) pay your fees.
The worst case scenario of it all is when the child is the only child of their parents; is from a prominent home; or has elders who have walked a similar career in the family. Children in this category undergo what I call emotional torture to become or do what their parents require of them or nothing else.
For this reason, they (parents) will do everything within their means to get their kids along their “planned” paths to the point of planning and ensuring that their wards attend certain colleges, get certain scores only, and put away everything else aside (including learning how to cook if she is a girl).
Meanwhile, most parents are totally aware of what their children are fond of. Yet, they intentionally choose what they ought to do for them, thinking they are “training up the child the way he should go…” However, the best way to train someone is to guide them through their process and not impose on them.
It’s true that society labels certain skills and talents as “unclean” due to some characters of some people who pursued such careers in the past. Thus, may “morally” not work well with parents in, let’s say, the clergy. Yet, what these parents forget is that God created these children too, in His likeness.
Everything God created was worthy. God doesn’t create “junk”! There is a purpose and a reason for everything and everyone on this earth. Therefore, if your child, no matter how they are, were created and brought unto earth for a purpose. It is very pathetic that most people will never ever know of their purpose in life less to talk of finding and living their purpose; all because they are actors in a play written and directed by their parents.
A few people get to know of their talents and skills quite late in their future and live the rest if their lives regretting for not doing just that one thing that made them come alive.
In a very little instance (1/10th), some children are able to blend their double lives: life set by parents and their purpose-filled life quite well. For instance, I know of an award-wining musician who is a medical doctor by profession, but that is usually in rear scenarios.
Likewise, I heard of a surgeon who (unintentionally) killed many patients through “carelessly” leaving his tools for surgery inside the stomachs of his patients all because he was busy enjoying some music through his earphones while working on his patients. He later quit his job and confessed how bad he wanted to be a musician but was “forced” by his dad to become a surgeon/doctor.
A very popular lawyer also called a family meeting between himself and his parents and told them he has brought them all the certificates they wanted him to have. He thanked them for seeing him through school and through life and so far, and “officially” sought their permission to follow his passion now. This he did as he dropped all his certificates on his dad’s living room table while having this meeting with them.
Others have been “pressured” indirectly by their parents to the point of committing suicide. Some, upon realizing the “harm” their parents have caused them ended up murdering their parents and taking their lives in addition.
I don’t know where you are at the point of reading this: whether a “child” or a “parent”. But I will beseech you to take a personal assessment of yourself and tell how far you “have been killed” by someone (parents, friends or relatives) or “have killed” someone (a child or relative or friend).
If you have been “killed”, be grateful for knowing you still have time to follow your purpose or dream. This is not the time to complain, blame or curse someone for not doing what they were supposed to do. It will be better to forgive everyone especially yourself. All is not lost and it is not too late to find and live your purpose.
If you have “killed”, be grateful for knowing you still have time to make amendments. This is not the time to lament, regret and feel hurt for killing a child, a friend, or sibling’s dream, though it will be a great thing to openly accept responsibility for not being a “guardian” but a “dictator” of people’s lives.
Life is too short to not live your dream. I therefore want to quote something from a philosopher (whose name I can’t recall once again), that, “a fellow who does not follow his own thinking, follows the thinking of the fellow who followed his”.